why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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