Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
