The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize