he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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