I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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