I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
