Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
