Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
