at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
