Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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