Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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