so explain again why im purple
no
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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