dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Small penises have feelings too.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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