Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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