Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
