:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
