I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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