i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
