how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
