so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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