are you still at the devil's house?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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