there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just had sex on a roof
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.