just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway