Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life