I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.