dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.