you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
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'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi