Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.