Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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