Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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