There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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