I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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