Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
