I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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