So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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