I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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