my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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