Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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