cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
