And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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