so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
