I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
