I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is that strawberry winking at me??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
