The maid of honor just puked.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
