I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
