should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
