I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
