You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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