Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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