So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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