Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
