I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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