EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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