Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
