I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
