You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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