Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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