shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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