I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
