Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
