Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
