i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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