I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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