you traded sex for a burrito?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
