i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
