just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
