Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
