i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
