Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
