fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
