Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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