bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
