i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
