Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
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As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
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Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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