like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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