i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
