If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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