NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
