You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
