ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
