New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
