I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
