you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
