Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
