Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
